Apple Meditation

 I regret not writing down much of what I saw in the apple meditation I did last year, but I did not have to write it down to remember the important details. I will, now to the best of my ability, record all I remember seeing.

I am writing this a bit backwards. The first part is what I received as I walked the last half hour of the meditation. The second part will be what I saw in the first half of the meditation, when I was looking into the apple. I hope you can understand my writing, I wrote it a bit hurriedly.

On my walks…

I saw a woman who looked similar to me, except she was tall and thin, built like a ballerina. She danced beautifully and she always took the leading roles. The dance I always pictured was of  the theme song of Swan Lake, I even heard the piano music. The song was always familiar to me, even before I did this apple meditation. The ballerina was always the good Swan, I never saw her as the black swan. There was a man in the distance. He slowly came forward and she’d dance with a man as if they were battling.

(I’ll post here that the theme song to Swan Lake was always familiar to me, but I’ve never seen a play of Swan Lake. It didn’t hit me that the piano song I sometimes heard in my head was of Swan Lake until I watched the new “Black Swan” movie shortly after I did this meditation).

The meditation took me to a place in France in the mid to late 1950s. The meditation also showed twins – two male Italian boys – and also an older Italian man who I interpreted as the twin’s father. He was an alcoholic and was unfriendly to the ballerina.

At first the twins were the ballerina’s lovers; there was one good twin and one bad twin. The bad twin always taunted and harassed the ballerina because he knew she loved his brother (the good twin) more than she loved him. The meditation showed this ballerina becoming closer to the nice twin who always comforted her when his brother taunted her.

As the meditation began to evolve the bad twin wanted to get revenge on his brother. He didn’t want him to have the ballerina without him having her first.

The day he wanted to get revenge on his ballerina he was very mean to her. Before the show he said a threat into her ear, something along the lines of her belonging to him. He taunted and harassed her, scaring her. It made her lose focus. When she began to dance on stage she slipped and fell at one point. It startled her since she never has fallen when performing. She got up and continued to dance as if she didn’t fall. She danced so elegantly and gracefully that the audience paid no mind to her falling earlier in the show. They still loved her. They applauded her enthusiastically, she bowed and left the stage but her feeling wasn’t happy. She was disappointed that she fell and the fear of the bad twin never left her. She had a feeling something was going to happen to her.

After the show, once she was outside the building, the bad twin and two of his friends met the ballerina. The fear turned to panic. They began to harass her, she tried running away from them but they stopped her and surrounded her. The evil twin hit her then the rest began to too. The vision faded when she fell to the ground. She was no longer seen. From my interpretation of the meditation she may have been raped. I just didn’t see it in detail.

After the rape she became depressed and more reserved. The nice twin couldn’t comfort her, even. I saw a vision of her in front of a bridge. The nice twin was near but not close; he came up to her as she was going over the rail to jump. He reached out to grab her but barely missed her. She went over the ledge into the Sea. He looked over as she hit the water. When she floated to the surface there was blood on her stomach area, it was clearly seen on her white dress.

He looked away and toward his twin brother who was near him to his right laughing evilly. “You did this to her.” The nice twin said angrily to his brother before going after him. The vision then faded.

As the meditation went on the ballerina’s dance changed some. She still did the same dance, but when the battle dance between the bad twin and her happened one day he stabbed her. She fell to her knees crying. He was looking down at her with an evil smirk of victory.

I also saw, in the beginning when the ballerina went to the bridge (I saw her go to the bridge a few times, as if it was on replay) the nice twin save her. And also, in another vision, it was the bad twin that got stabbed not the ballerina.

In this vision when the ballerina was saved it changed to the future. The ballerina, older now, was driving with the nice twin. They are now husband and wife; they have twin sons sitting in the back seat. It is dark out and raining. Another car comes out of no where, the man turns to avoid the car but not soon enough. The car skids into the coming car. They all survived the crash, except for one of her twin boys. The boys were no older than six years old. Six years ago was when the rape happened, the nice twin knew the twins were not his. They were his dead brothers.

The ballerina became quiet and reserved after the loss of her son. Her living son felt bad that it was his brother that died instead of him. He began to turn into a trouble maker, trying to do anything to get any form of attention from his mother, but he got very little.

In one vision the twin was older. In this vision it was sunny day. The family was in a park of some sorts, a park near a bridge. It was a beautiful city they were in, a beautiful early spring day. They are celebrating the boys’ thirteenth birthday. The ballerina wonders off away from the family. She still is very distant and isn’t paying much attention to what’s going on around her. She walks to the bridge. Her husband looks over towards her just as she gets to the railing. He runs to her, but gets there too late. He barely misses catching her as she jumps into the water. This time when she comes up there is no blood on her front. She floats away.

After this the father then becomes distant towards his son. The son is off to fend for himself, basically. He becomes a wild child. Soon he becomes an alcoholic, just like his father soon does. One night, he had to have been about seventeen at the least, possibly twenty but no older, he was driving intoxicated. He was speeding. It was a dark night. A car comes towards him, but he doesn’t move out of the way fast enough. His car is hit, and he dies.

A day or so after I saw this someone I knew (a man about 20 years old) died in a car accident for speeding intoxicated.

Shortly after I saw the ballerina die I saw a vision of her, a vision of when she was younger before she got married. She was in white, dressed as the white Swan. She was running towards me as I was walking. She ran into me, I felt her pass through me. In that instant I knew that the ballerina was me, and that they were all part of me.

That took place the first week I did the meditation. The second week thoughts of death entered my mind. As I walked for three days it felt like bliss, as if I was walking through the garden of paradise (I saw glimpses of meadows and other animals, saw a female dear with a fawn, dogs, and a lioness lying in the grass) the bliss feeling would fade when I returned home.

(My drawing of ballerinas)

The first half hour, looking into the apple...

I saw the face of the apple (its’ soul) in the last ten minutes of meditation at first, but as I continued to meditate I saw the face sooner. I felt wisdom from the apple, and sometimes I’d catch words in my mind. Some words were of encouragement, others were warnings to take things that I see seriously.

To the left of my vision there were diamonds like shapes, like stars almost, similar to the starry night by Van Gogh (one of my favorite artists). Things slowly began to change; the room always did change in the meditation. It was always darker, fluorescent light, and at times as if I were in a fog because the objects in the room would disappear. All that would be there is a gray like color and shapes that slowly became clear, but not completely. One day I saw a ballerina and her partner dancing.

(My interpretation of the diamond shapes I saw to the left of my vision during meditation of the apple)

The last week of the meditation, it lasted about two weeks, the face of the apple began to change. Instead of seeing a face, I saw an image of an owl. The feeling of death came to me, me wanting to die to know what is on the other side. As this feeling came, the diamonds to the left of my vision began to change and turn into a tunnel like image. A light to the right of me would come and each day would be closer, I’d feel its warmth. The warmth would enter me, and I’d always want to move into the light. The last three days the light would be right over my head. The last day it was, and I felt warmth enter me. The tunnel was clearer now, but still a bit blurry. The strong feeling of wanting to die was in me.

(My interpretation of the owl I saw and tunnel (tunnel I never did see clearly))

I didn’t walk this day, though. If I did, that would have meant I’d accepted death and would have chosen to die instead of live. This was my first test, since that day things have began to change for me. I am slowly accepting who I am and who I am meant to be, and know I am on the right path and doing what it is I should be doing.

SOME ADVICE

This was when I was told to stop doing the meditation, when the light came over me and the tunnel became clearer, when I didn’t walk. You will know when you shouldn’t do the meditation any longer. Do not go against this feeling, and do not jump to conclusions either. What you see may not make sense to you, and you will think you are creating it on your own. You aren’t. This meditation isn’t necessarily calm and peaceful, it opens all sides of your personality and you have to face each side, including the shadow side.

This meditation helps you conquer your fears, but that means facing them and reliving what you have repressed. It will bring emotions out of you that you may not be ready to handle fully, so be cautious when doing it if you do choose to do it. Be consistent with it too, you can not miss more than a day or two when doing the meditation. The longer you do it, and the more consistent you are, the clearer the images will come and the deeper you will go.

There is more to this meditation then even I know. I am learning it still, I am a student still. I am sharing what I know with you.

If you decide to do this meditation and complete it, and feel ok about it, you can do it again one year later. It will not be the same as your first meditation will be. Be patient with all that you do, do not rush anything, things will fall into place as it should.

Only people with an open and strong mind can do this meditation… You’ll know what I mean by this if/when you decide to do the meditation.

NOTE: Different apples have different personalities. The best type of apple to meditate to is the red apples (they are calmer), but any apple will do.

(I’ll also state here that I edited the Apple Meditation post I made in my other blog – Finding Your Self).

(White Swan Theme song (Just because))

(Youtube video uploaded by: joelwarren33)