Why are we here?

(written on October of 2011)

 

Suzanna looks before her at the unlit streetlight and wonders, contemplates it; she wonders why it is here.

Suzanna looks to her left and watches the man with the cigar, the one sitting beside her on this park bench in Phoenix, Arizona. She wonders, contemplates the man, why is he here?

Suzanna closes the book of Hemingway poetry she was reading and stands up. She takes a casual walk around the park on this evening in May. She is only 20 years old, but she already wonders the age old question, why are we here?

Towards the end of her walk, when she is back to the noisy street of cars, she sees a man lying in the grass under a fichus tree. He is a feeble looking old man in ragged clothing. She walks up to the man, filled with curiosity. She stands before the man. He doesn't notice her at first, but after a few moments he feels her presence.

He opens his closed eyes, but says not a word. He waits for her to speak.

Suzanna hesitates a moment, but soon asks, "Why are you here?" her voice was not rude, but filled with innocent curiosity.

The old man rises his eyebrows in surprise, but responds, "Dear girl, I am here because GOD told me to be."

"Hmm," responds Suzanna. She takes in that thought for a moment and then excuses herself and leaves the park.

She walks down the street filled with thoughts that can not be put into words, but one reoccurring thought can be. The reoccurring thought is the meaning of existence.

She walks a few blocks, down an alley, and turns onto another busy street with now a lit streetlight. Ironically, a bench is beside this street lamp. This street is near an apartment complex.

Suzanna sits upon this bench and looks out to the sea of cars and headlights; the noisy life of a city. She is still pondering that same question, why are we here?

Soon an owl lands upon the bench beside her, it is a small pigmy owl that is common in this area.

She speaks to the owl, "hello there owl, why are you here?"

The owl turned his head toward her, the eerie way they do, sending a feeling of uncanny wisdom to those who catch their eye.

A thought with a voice of old wisdom enters Suzanna's mind. I am here because the wind carried me here. The owl then flew away.

Goosebumps form upon her skin, but not the scary kind. It was the wind…

"Hmm..." she says out loud once the owl left. She takes in the words from the invisible voice. She then stands up and walks down the street toward home.

As she turns the corner to the neighborhood where her house is, she notices an older woman who is sitting under the streetlight she is about to pass.

Suzanna smiles and nods a hello to the scraggly haired old woman. The woman smiles back, a smile that reaches her sad eyes.

As Suzanna walks past this old woman the woman enters into a coughing fit.

Suzanna stops in her tracks and turns toward the woman. She waits for the woman to control herself. As she waits she studies the woman. She soon notices the yellowing of her skin and the thinness of her shape. Her skin is saggy; she is nothing but skin and bones. Death is at this woman's door.

"Hello," says Suzanna once the woman is through coughing, "why are you here?"

The woman smiles a small smile. She makes eye contact with Suzanna. "I am here because I choose to be. My time is coming, I know all I need to know. I learned it this moment." Her eyes then close. Suzanna knows her soul has left.

"Hmm," says Suzanna. She takes in the woman's words. She is not afraid or panicked by the passing of this woman. The passing calms her soul and gives her some clarity to that unanswerable, or maybe just too many answers, question.

The lady from across the street is now standing outside her house. She notices Suzanna and calls out, sensing something has happened, "Is everything alright?"

Suzanna speaks calmly, "She has passed on." The woman hurriedly went inside to call for an ambulance.

As Suzanna is standing there waiting a thought enters her mind. A thought that ends her contemplation of existence: There is no one answer to the question of life. Be who you are. The rest will follow suit... there is no answer greater than death.

Flap Jack

A story I wrote in October, 2011.

Flap Jack

Flap jack is a kind old man, a not so subtle old man, who loves to dance about the streets of his beloved town of Rosenberg. He dances around the streets with his cherry oak cane and top hat. He wears a top hat sometimes, but mostly holds it in one hand while he dances, and wears a black tailored suit of tweed. Happy as can be is he, nothing can disturb Flap Jack. His coat tails love to dance with the wind, making a nice flapping noise as he does his peasant jig.

The locals of the town of Rosenberg think this absurd little man is a drunk by the way he jumps and snaps his heels together up and down the town streets, singing aloud off key to his favorite tune. The tune he made up himself:

“Oh, flap, flap in the wind goes my tails. I’ve no care in this whole world, nothing but me and my tails.”

The tune makes no sense, not even to him, but he loves to dance free, hop, skip, and sing this tune of nonsense all through the day anyway.

What many don’t know about Flap Jack is his love for teaching the children. He has a teaching degree of English, one he never uses, but oh how he’d love to teach the children one day. He is sixty-three years old yet no work history is there to be seen on his resume. There is nothing but an empty slate of carefree space. He spent his years carefree, happy as can be - skipping, jumping, flipping, hopping - all the day long, spreading his joy of life to the children that he meets and greets.

One day as he was passing by the local High School and noticed there was a sign on the front window of the administration office that read: In Need of a Replacement Freshman English Teacher At Once!

Flap Jack shouted out in excitement “HOORAY, HOORAY, I’LL BE TEACHING TODAY” he then hopped, skipped, and jigged in a circle, clicking his heels together and making his coat tails go FLAP, FLAP, FLAP, causing the citizens walking past to stare, but old Flap Jack did not care.

He entered the administration office at once, causing a burst of excitement shocks, for everyone knew seemingly crazy Flap Jack, but they did not know he’d be here today.

He removes his top hat, his brown head shining in the florescent light. He smiles, his goatee nice and trimmed, and says in the calmest voice he could muster, “I am here for the teaching job posted on that window. Please, may I speak to the principle?”

The secretary, wide eyed and dumbstruck, pointed to the door behind her, the one that read in big letters: PRINCIPLE’S OFFICE.

Flap Jack jumped up in excitement, doing a little peasant jig, making his coat tails go FLAP, FLAP, FLAP, for a few moments, and shouted a loud cheerfully, “Thank you!” and off he went to the principles office, hopping and skipping the couple feet.

He was about to knock politely on the door, but as he lifted his fist the door swung open in a hurry.

“Who is making all this ruckus! People are trying to do their work! Who is disrupting!” the principle angrily whispered.

The principle was not a friendly man; he was a man that was pretty bland. He rarely spoke above a whisper and required others to do the same. His wear was of a dull tan faded suit. Not quite the kind of suit Flap Jack is wearing, for Flap Jack’s suit looks new.

“IT IS I, FLAP JACK, AND I AM HERE FOR THE TEACHING JOB!” he shouts excitedly, forgetting to keep his voice calm. Calm is not a word Flap Jack knows when he is as excitedly happy as he is now.

“Keep your voice down!” The principle sternly whispers. “This is a place of business! Business does not mean shouting! You must be quiet on these grounds!”

Flap Jack steps back with a look of horror. He clenches his chest as if he has been struck in the heart.

“Oh, my dear sir, I did not know this was a place for such silence! I’ll be sure to keep my voice down, but I warn you. It is impossible for me to when I am as happy as can be,” he said these words very calmly, but his next words aren’t as calm. “BUT MY QUIETNESS LASTS ONLY SO LONG, FOR I AM HAPPY ALL DAY LONG!”

Mr. Principle lets out a grumpy groan and wipes his face with his hand in annoyance. “Fine!” he whispers in his angry whispering way. “Be as happy as can be somewhere else! No one here will use the tone of voice as you! So be gone you loud mouth buffoon!”

The words ‘loud mouth buffoon’ made Flap Jack have a laughing fit. A high pitch laugh does Flap Jack have, a laugh that made Mr. Principle very mad.

“Stop I say! Stop! Stop with your high pitch of annoying laughter!” But Mr. Principle made an uh-oh. He shouted these words instead of whispering. He quickly covered his mouth as if to hide his mistake.

The shout caused Flap Jack to stop laughing. He looked wide eyed in shock at Mr. Principle.

“You shouted! You broke your own rule! For breaking that sacred rule, please do give me a chance at the teaching job!” these words he said were of excitement, but calm.

Mr. Principle had an expression of annoyance on his face, but he knew he had no choice but to agree with Flap Jack. This knowledge frustrates him. The frustration of this knowledge causes him to squint his eyes and stomps his foot while holding back the shout he wants to let out.

“Fine!” he manages to angrily whisper. “You are hired. You begin tomorrow morning at eight o’clock on the dot, don’t you dare be late! The room is in FA 128.”

“HOORAY,  HOORAY, THAT MADE MY DAY! I AM SO HAPPY I’LL BE TEACHING, YAY!” he does a little peasant jig, making his coat tails go FLAP, FLAP, FLAP as he makes his way out of the building.

That next morning, at eight o’clock on the dot, he entered the room FA 128, with a skip and a hop.

There he was surprised to see, the most solemn faces he ever did see. Oh how this made him feel so bad, seeing these children so sad.

“OH, MY DEAR CHILDREN! WHAT MAKES YOU SO SAD! ARE YOU NOT TO BE GLAD TO LEARN?”

The children stare at him in shock, for he did what they were not to do. He shouted at the top of his lungs!

“Mr. Flap Jack sir,” whispers a young blond girl with curls in the front row. “We are not to shout. This is a place of learning, and learning does not involve shouting.”

Flap Jack laughs his high pitch laugh, causing the windows to shutter.

The Children quietly wait for him to compose himself. He soon does stop laughing.

“My dear children, this is a place of laughter and fun! This place has no room for silence and tears! For learning has yet to begun, until there‘s laughter and fun!” with these words he knocks off the papers that were on his desk. As he dances around the room, doing his famous peasant jig, he announces, “No grades are there to be found in this class! Knowledge has no percent, for it is endless! There will be nothing but music and laughter for now on in this class!”

The children let out a quiet HOORAY! But Flap Jack did not like that. He encouraged them to shout it louder by letting out an earth shaking HOORAY!!! And the students immediately followed suit.

So, for three days fun, music, and laughter did last. Three days of learning through a musical stomp and a laughing tune. The students learned their P’s and Q’s even if there was no paperwork or tests to be found.

The children’s laughter spread through the school. In those short days the whole school was in a happy loud laughter and dance, joining in with Flap Jack’s peasant dance.

Everyone was happy, screaming, singing, dancing in their joy. Everyone except Mr. Principle, he still remained a whispering grump.

“Flap Jack, you are fired!” He tells Flap Jack on the fourth day, first thing in the morning as he was entering the office.

“Oh! But why so! I made the school as happy as can be! The children enjoy their learning now! Oh, why would you get rid of me?” Flap Jack cries these words. They were his calmest words yet.

Mr. Principle did not budge.  He crossed his arms and glared, saying in his well known angry whisper, “this is a place of business! Business does not mean shouting! You must be quiet on these grounds!”

Flap Jack left the office with a heavy heart. His shoulders sagging, his coat tails no longer flapping; they are now dragging upon the ground. Will Flap Jack now forever frown?

The children were in an up roar after they heard of the firing of Flap Jack. They screamed “NO, NO, NO! WE WANT HIM BACK! WE WILL NOT LEARN UNTIL HE’S BACK!”

The students went on strike, refusing to go back to their classrooms until Flap Jack was back. Even the teachers did not stop this. On the second day of the strike every one of the teachers in the school marched to the principles office and demanded for Flap Jack to be hired again.

The anger of the teachers helped Mr. Principle to realize his mistake. He now realized how much better the school really was with Flap Jack around. With this realization, he agreed to get Flap Jack back. He went out at once to find him.

Mr. Principle went to the City Park, and there he found Flap Jack, sad as can be, sitting upon a park bench. He was bent hunched over, his tails almost touching the ground. He had a droopy frown of sadness that could be felt all throughout town.

Mr. Principle sat down beside Flap Jack and said pleadingly, “Flap Jack! Please come back to school! You are hired again! Please bring your laughter and joy back to the school! It is a wreck without you! I was wrong, you were right! Oh please say you’ll be back! Teach me the knack of being as happy as you Flap Jack.”

Flap Jack instinctively beamed a smile that lit up the whole town. He popped up and began to do his hip, skip, peasant dance, making his coat tails go FLAP, FLAP, FLAP.

“MR. PRINCIPLE, IT IS SO EASY TO BE AS HAPPY AS ME! JUST JUMP UP, CLICK YOUR HEELS! AND DANCE, DANCE, THE FLAP JACK DANCE WITH ME! LIKE THIS, YOU SEE?”

So he demonstrates for the principle. He jumps up, hops, skips, and clicks his heels together singing all the while:

“Oh, flap, flap in the wind goes my tails. I’ve no care in this whole world, nothing but me and me tails.”

The principle laughed a joyful laugh, one of rustic sounding for lack of use, but the longer he laughed the clearer it got. And as he sang, danced, hopped, and skipped with Flap Jack, his laugh was as high and loud and clear has his. He and Flap Jack danced the peasant jig all the day and night long.

The next morning they arrived at school full of laughter and cheer. The students and faculty were as happy as can be to see them arriving full of pleasantry.

Since that day the school was no longer dull and quiet, it was full of laughter and cheer, just like ol’ Flap Jack.

 [Very rough sketch of Flap Jack below]:

Uriel

It was dark when I fell... too... dark. The coldness was strong and great; it chilled my very soul to the point of numbness - past the point of numbness. That is where the blood lust began, the craving of wanting some warmth again.

Why did you fall, you asked? or do you mean how? Either question there is no easy answer, let alone in words.

I was once a child of GOD; brave and good, strong willed and young. I was one of the first who was chosen after the first cycle of [10011]. I was one of the "lights", those chosen lights... I was one of the brightest lights, a golden orange of sorts; a light well noticed by the GODhead (source).

0---0---0---0---0---0---0---0---0

I was around before the planets, back when there was only one universe instead of several, back even before the formation of the planets.... lights... back when there was only the FATHER (source), ME, and MOTHER (ring)

(see photo below, one ring of several) 

There was no spiral of life in the picture I am now creating. In fact, there was little light, the source was small in size, Mother invisible, and energy was becoming prosperous, more and more by the seconds. This was even before your Angels. The lights were just a beginning...

(CREATION story here told, but at another time)

These light energies formed into other beings, other entities that one day will (or was) have a name, a form given by Earth humans and humans from other planets that formed in other universes, but that story is yet to be told.

Over time more and more "lights and streams of frequency” escaped from the GOD source.

These lights and frequency over time turned into planets, the seas, and the humans. As the lights changed, I did as well. The Source became larger and more complex, just as the energies that escaped from It has.

 

There were no rulers, no guidelines, yet no will to be free. With these came the "animal" nature of the creations of the Source. They needed guidance, a way to know their WILLs... But that's another's story, not mine, mine comes from the after math of that particular story... (the devil's rejects).  

The fall happened when I was only human, before the Dark Ages fully began. It was a year not yet defined, but now would be defined as before the year (1023). Year does not matter, the fact is the timeframe is near this suppose year. It was a time of great sorrow for some, but more so confusion for the majority. I was one of the few in the dark, for I was not part of the Roman control - My family and I were not worthy of their notice. We were the vagabonds, or lower, the "forgotten" who do the work the peasants wouldn't even do; the ones who get paid not with even a slavery wage, but in stone and wood that could be used for building. We had to find our own way for food, the food that no one would give us. How did we survive? You'll soon learn, but that is not important for the moment.           

With the sticks and stones we were paid in, we built our home of rocks. You may be thinking, how sturdy could a stack of stones be? It was built for a barrier against what is to come. Little did the rulers know that their sticks and stones would be of use to us "ignorant" forgotten ones.

Though we didn't associate in society, society disowned us long ago, we learned from observing their actions. We didn't speak their language, but that is because we were not allowed to. Little did they know that our minds absorbed their words and translated them into our own ancient tongue. They were too blissfully ignorant to realize they were the ignorant ones; they were the ones who knew little. Their gold and silver was their only power, and that is only greed, once those objects are gone they have nothing left to keep them strong. An army isn't even useful against an unclean, untarnished, undefined mind that has not had to conform to a way of a particular society.

[why did they disown you?]

It was our appearance, more or less, we didn't absorb the heat of the sun in the same way the people of the east and west did. The sun had no affect on us, and this put fear on the people who saw us. WE didn't look like them; they didn't understand what didn't look the same as the rest. Our eyes were black, our skin was pale, we had no preference of hot or cold, our skin was always cool, and our hearts had a slow beat, so slow in fact that many thought we were the walking dead, whatever that phrase means.

We weren't there to harm anyone, only to learn, but the way we were treated discouraged us to care for the creatures that treat us lower than a vagabond. We had a pulse, a mind, and a sense of understanding. We weren't violent, but we saw the violence and fear in these people’s eyes. We didn't want to help them, so we did not speak in their tongue. They had no translators, so they put us off as fools who can not be taught, unclean creatures that came from the depths of somewhere distant and unknown. Their insults, their taunts, and their stones put us off. We eventually decided to not trust in these humans. This is where the story begins.

As the barrier wall we built became taller, long enough and wide enough to enclose us, we began to place stones in the empty space we used as, what you’d call, a door way. One day the last stone was placed and we were enclosed behind this wall, located beside a hill, on the outskirts of the city, but not too far from the city to not hear the sounds of the ignorant.

We enclosed ourselves behind this barrier. We sat with no verbal discussions; there were five of us in total. We sat and listened, absorbed the energies, sounds, and communications we heard and sensed from beyond our wall. The longer we sat - may have been days, weeks, months, years, we did not count – the more we despised these people. In us formed an empty dark emotion that was focused on these people: hate. We began to feel hate, a feeling that was never in us before landing upon Earth. WE did not like the people’s petty violence, nor their harsh words and behaviors used against their own kind, in what they call their family and community.

One day the familiar sounds became disturbed with a feeling of panic. The sound of many horse hooves, many pairs of feet stomping the earth, and sound of loud noise such as the roaring of a fire signaled to us a change in this society. War was now upon them, Roman invasion, caused by a disagreement between two societies. A petty excuse, but it was to our advantage.

With in our group there was one individual who held the emotion hate the strongest, who used it to gain it’s own power, and to form a new emotion yet existing to our species: revenge. This being’s eyes showed a different depth of darkness; his physique was a little more peculiar, if only slightly. He was some what taller than the rest, but his body structure was similar as the others. This being became the leader of the group which had no leader, this being was ME.

My new emotion of revenge brought images to my mind which turned into thoughts, word thoughts. These images were of beings that do not exist in any universe, but would work well as the object of ignorant people’s nightmares. You see, I have the ability to create dreams, inspire creative thinking, to give new perspectives. The only perspective I wanted to give these people was one of fear – real fear, not the plastic fear they have for those not like them.

My thoughts were felt by my group members, but I know they didn’t affect them the same way. Our species isn’t violent, but they knew what I intended to do, and they stood by my view. They absorbed my thoughts and telepathic instructions. We waited for the time to act.

One day we sensed a person too close to our barrier. They were curious of what was behind it. We waited for the human to do something.

The change in the atmosphere, the change in the energies given off from the people, stirred us from our meditative state. I was the first to stir. I raised my head from its bowed position and looked straight a head, past the being of my group, and to the stone wall. As I raised my head, so did the others, who all turned in my direction, as if waiting for an order. I looked at my group, the beings of my race, and I gave a slight nod, which they gave back in return. We all stood up from our sitting position in a flawless, none stiff way, as if we haven’t been sitting in the same position for days. We waited.

And then the action happened. A whistling noise was heard, as if something was flying in the air in a rapid pace, heading to a target. We knew the target to be our barrier. The hot iron rock hit our barrier, causing it to collapse, but we had speed beyond what these humans had. I made the first move, and the others followed. We jumped past the falling wall before the stone hit the earth, the hot iron rock having no affect on immortal beings as us.

The person outside our barrier saw the wall begin to fall and us charging over it and he began to run in terror. We paid no mind to him. Our aim wasn’t him, but the city before us. We plan to strike them with these fearful images.

My group wasn’t sure of my aim, but they felt a need to release this emotion of hate somehow, so they trusted my judgment. We flew past the wall, and the human collapsed out of petrified fear as we swept past him. We did not kill him, but the troops on horse back behind us did by trampling him to death.

We swooped through the crowd. All they saw were flashes of black, for we moved with quick sped, as if we moved through the air. In fact, many humans thought that is exactly what we did, but it was all part of our illusion. Each human we passed we sent images of horror, images of their own inner fears as well as new images I instinct in them. The images consisted of distorted figures, such as what you may call orcs, giants, and golems as well as distorted human figures that look like bats, or may have fangs like a carnivore, all wanting warm human blood. These images were new to these people, and it instinct a panic that we were hoping for. They began attacking us, throwing their weapons and attacks toward us, but not one hitting us. Instead, it was hitting each other. Soon they were fighting each other, not knowing anymore who the enemy is and who is not. Brothers fought their own brothers, sisters the same. Soon they were killing each other, and this satisfied the hunger of my own people.

My group wanted to stop there and go no further than that city, but I wanted more. Seeing the humans kill each other because of the images I created, seeing the power I could gain from this, blinded my vision and mind from reason. For the first time I did not agree with my group, and for the first time they began to feel what you’d call worry. They began to argue with me in a human way, saying it’s not our way, what we have done was enough, and that we must return home. I laughed, a human laugh, which was strange to them. I separated myself from them after stating I no longer follow them, for I have the ability to gain power over these ignorant people.

Once my group saw that I was not going to reason they sacrificed their body they have here on earth by letting the people kill them. I watched as they entered the crowd of violence, and I watched as the swords and arrows went through them. My group’s bodies instantly disappeared. I knew I was alone on this earth – the only one of my kind – and this thought satisfied me. But I now developed a new emotion: greed. I wanted more satisfaction, and I knew I’d get this by spreading the fear I have spread to these ignorant humans.

And so I did. I went from town to town, city to city, village to village, continent to continent, spreading these fears, causing many murders and societies collapsing. This went on for a period of years, centuries maybe, I don’t even know for I never kept time. Through this time, due to the greed, I had forgotten where I originally came from and who I originally was. I got so use to these humans that I became human myself, many times. I created the image that I was a human many times, just to see what it was like, and soon I became as ignorant as they, but I still had the power I wanted.

I was called back to my original position many times, called from the place I came from, called by the other lights, for I have to fulfill my position. But I was too far gone, and my species knew it. I eventually couldn’t hear their calls anymore, but that didn’t mean they weren’t still watching, planning, and searching for a way to get me back. The day came where they found their chance.

I was portraying as a human once again somewhere in an eastern city, south east of what you’d call Africa. I was curious about an earth woman. I wanted to experience the full human experience so that I could properly control them. My eyes caught a woman who I knew would fall in love with my image. I took the chance of appearing to her, and she invited me to her tribe. There I spread the word of beings beyond this planet, and beings who watch over this planet, as well as power that could be gained here on this planet that could make their poor village rich. I told them they no longer need to pray to the gods that they created, for I was one of those beings from beyond this earth, and that all they needed to do was follow me. They believed me and soon stopped their rituals and praying and followed my words. Again, another society changed.

The woman who I first appeared to was still curious about me. My enchantment was still upon her, and I knew it was only a matter of time that I’d get to experience fully what it was to be human. The night came when it was to happen. A peculiar feeling I was feeling, a feeling I never felt. It was the feeling of worry, close to fear, the feeling my group felt before they returned to their world. I knew after the deed I was about to do was done that something would be forever changed, but what? I did not know.

[If you knew, would it have stopped you?]

I do not think so, because I was too greedy to care about a consequence.

And so the night came, and the deed happened. Afterwards, a strange feeling came over me that was beyond the experience that happened. I felt a pressure in my chest and a pulling sensation where the human heart is located. What’s happening to me? was my human thought. The pulling sensation began to increase and I began to feel lightheaded. I then realized what was happening: my soul was being pulled from my body. I was experiencing a human death.

The woman human was lying beside me when this was happening, but she was fast asleep, unaware of anything past her dreams. As my soul left my body, my body disappeared. My soul returned to the universe, to the world it came from. Judgment was placed upon it.

I was before the High Council, those whom place judgment upon the souls. I was once part of this council, of which only four remain: the four members of my group I once belonged. They each had their own image, their own illusion that they created for themselves, and I saw them in each one of their illusions, but not at first. At first they appeared to me in only shadowy figures with glowing eyes.

(pic of the “four” here)

One was the voice of all four, and the voice was deep and stern, ‘You have forsaken us.’ And image by image they showed me my life, as if in a film strip, from beginning to end in fast forward images. I felt no remorse, and they knew I felt no remorse. Then a question was asked. “Do you believe in the source and its power?”[question related to this, but real question remains unclear].

“Yes,” was my non-emotional response.

‘Will you follow the source?’

‘No! I will never follow! I have made my own power, I have changed the world! I do not need to follow the source any longer.’

There was no word response, only an action. The four figures changed: first into one large shadowy figure with glowing eyes, then the figure melted into only a large eye, which then faded into an image of a skull, then spread and swirled into an image of a large glowing hand that moved toward me to grasp my soul.

I screamed out in fight, but I could not move. I knew I was no match against them, but I continued to fight for I knew I was right. I had my own power that could grow beyond the sources power.

They threw me into a 25-life-cycle after a hellish journey through many obstacles that caused great pain to my soul. Cycle included a ring of fire, sharp horns, taunts, and old memories constantly repeating into my soul that became overwhelming and I could not block them while remaining in a dark cold room. I was then thrown down to Earth to live a human life.

Each human life was longer than the previous. My first life I died as a child, second, adolescence, and so on and so on. After the end of each cycle I was placed before the Four

Judgments and asked the same questions, which I continuously answered no to. I came back weaker, and weaker, after each cycle my power being drained from me, yet I refused to give in.

And then came the rising of Christ, the turning of the world, a revolution. My work ended, all forgot about me and my deeds, the stories and images turned into legends and myths the majority no longer believed. Many went back to their gods, and others worshiped the Christ figure.

On my last life, long after the sacrifice of Christ, I gave in to their question. I was weak, too weak to live another life, too weak to go through hell. I had no choice but to give in or perish. I finally answered loud and clear, with all my might, “YES, I BELIEVE! TEACH ME YOUR WAYS AGAIN!” I was in tears of surrender – yes souls do cry.

The four judgments were satisfied to my answer. I was sent to heaven, to the light place which burnt my eyes and skin, I was in the dark for so long. I roamed the place aimlessly, the beings there giving me no mind. The place had a floor like a cloud, of which on none walked upon, for all glided with ease, appearing as if floating. Above this place was nothing but a sky, starry or bright blue, whichever you wanted it to appear to be. There were doors that lead to wherever you wanted to roam. All could create what they wished here, and all sang a harmonious tune. All was bright and light, and the brightness pained my dark pupils. I attempted to talk to a nearby soul, to ask them about this place, but the soul appeared to not see me. I kept attempting to talk to all that would pass me by but still all ignored.

I was becoming panicked again, I still felt weak and pain filled me still. I collapsed to my knees, bowed my head and covered my face; I still held an image of a human. I felt the softness of the cloudy floor as I cried in anguish. I felt the slow sinking feeling of falling through the clouds, yet I never did fall through.

A humming feeling was felt throughout the entire heavens and an ‘om’ sound was heard. I removed my hands from my face and looked up. Before me was a large golden gate that began to open, and as it did a great light began to spill through. I let out a scream of pain and closed my eyes tight, but the brightness of the light still hurt my eyelids.

Just as soon as the light came, it was gone and I was able to open my eyes. When I did the gates were gone, and before me was a row of rooms that had clear windows and doors. The light in this place was bright, but not as bright as the rest of the world. This room had a white floor that was not clouds, and a ceiling that was not a sky. It appeared to be some building, but I knew it was only an illusion.

I walked slowly forward, a feeling of awe and curiosity filled me. I looked from side to side, looking into every room. There were six rooms in total, and each one had a class of souls with a teacher; a teacher of great height and invisible wings. When I came to the last room, the last one to the left of me, I saw that this one had only a few people inside and no teacher present. It was as if they were waiting for their teacher to arrive. I was standing in front of the clear door, peering in. The door opened on its own accord and all looked at me. Many eyes widened, as if they knew who I was, and some began to whisper to each other. Some of the whispers I heard, such as: ‘Is he our teacher?’ ‘I have heard of him, he’s… and he has done… I thought his soul was destroyed?’ ‘He doesn’t look like the image I saw before…’

These whispers confused me more. I walked to the farthest point of the classroom. There was an empty chair before me, but I did not feel like sitting. Instead I stood in this far corner, where the only shadow resided. I waited as the others did for the teacher, but the wait wasn’t long.

In walked a figure in a white robe that had shoulder length hair, facial hair, and brown eyes. This image was different than the other teachers; I knew he was no angel. I knew him as Christ, and anger began to rise in my being. My facial expression darkened as my eyes landed upon him. He stood now in the front of the room where all could see him clearly. His eyes were on me as mine were on his. He said only one word as he gestured me to come forward, ‘come,’ was all he said, in a calm voice that showed no authority. I found myself reluctantly moving forward, standing now in front of him. ‘Sit,’ he said in the same tone. I looked beside me and there was a free seat, in front of the class.

I obeyed and sat down on the wooden seat and placed my arms on the wooden table. I looked to my right and saw a young girl sitting beside me, staring at me in bewilderment. I saw into her soul and knew her as a follower of the witches’ path, who in her human life had no belief in the GODsource or Jesus. I looked away from her, ignoring her stare, and back to the figure before me, the so-called Christ. He then began to speak.

He spoke of many things, words of light and darkness, the difference between the two, what we can do for each other, and the difference between the galaxies and universes. His words went on and on, for days on end. Each one of us sat and listened, and as he spoke he showed us the worlds up on worlds he speaks of. We were experiencing his words as he spoke, and we were becoming renewed with each passing word.

One day his words did end, and when they did the others left, but I remained. He looked to me and said, ‘Come,’ in his calm non-authoritative tone. I obeyed and he took me on a trip through the galaxies, speaking no word but showing me the destruction I had caused. He also showed me the people who follow him and the others who do not, and he showed no remorse nor revenge for those who do not follow him. ‘They all have the free will to choose their own path, as you have the free will to do the same,” he’d say to me. Before I could object, saying I had no free will, and if I did I’d still have the power I once had. He went on, ‘Though we have free will, at times one’s will must be broken in order to gain more power, for we at times lose sight of our true purpose, and attempt to gain power where no power is needed.’

I then asked a question, ‘what do I do to gain back my power rightfully? What can I contribute to the universe?’ his response, ‘you be the guide that they need to fulfill their purpose, so that they can reach a higher consciousness and  to become one with the source. The ways to do this is within you, you only have to let yourself believe it. I have a task for you, and if it is fulfilled you may claim your former position. You have the ability to create and give creativity and insight to others, I advise you to guide others to find their talents. You can do this by becoming a spirit guide to a soul who needs guidance.’

‘But which soul? There are so many.’

‘I will let you choose. The right soul will come when the time is right, now return to the heavens. My teaching is done.’

And with those words he was gone and I was back in the cloudy place.

I roamed aimlessly around, searching for a soul to guide. I was drawn to a crowd of souls circling a particular soul who was pink and lavender, and with this soul were four beings that were large in height. I knew them as the Four Judgments. They were giving this soul a task, and she seemed willing to accept. The portal began to open that would send her to the human world, but she was frightened to go and dashed; she hid where others did not know. All looked from side to side in confusion. The four judgments saw me observing, I was blending well in the crowd or so I thought. They said, find her telepathically to me, and so I did as asked.

I propelled an image to the soul, an image of a pebbled beach with a cloudy sky, and upon this beach a mountain with a cave. This is where the soul had no choice but to stop and rest at, and so she did. I saw her sitting upon the pebble beach, knees curled up to her chest, her head bent behind her knees in a covered protection, and she was crying.

I appeared on this beach some distances away from her, but not too far away where she could not see me. She looked up from her knees, her crying ceased, and she looked straight in my direction. She stood up as I began walking towards her. She fled in horror to the cave, just as I suspected her to. I continued my walk to her, and in the cave she was crouched down in fear.

‘Listen girl,’ I told her in a stern hissing tone. ‘I am here to show you what you are to become. You will feel hellish, lonely, and depression in your future human life, and confusion that will last well into your teen years. You will begin to feel a longing for something more than what you feel your petty life is, and you will wish death to come. You will feel fear, and through this you will find strength, happiness, and realize love through the support of your family. Through my stern guidance, you will find your creativity and what you are to become. The obstacles you find will strengthen you. With my help, you will become what you are to be and fulfill your path.’ After my words I helped her to her feet and we walked together back to the portal. She said something to the four that I did not understand, but it was satisfactory to the Four Judgments. She then lifted her right hand in a 90 degree angle, and some did the same to her. She then walked through the portal, entering a human existence.

This life is still on the earth today. I have yet to fulfill my old position, but this life is prospering beautifully with the help from myself and other spirit guides the soul met along her human existence. I will one day have the power I once had, to spread my knowledge throughout the universes.

My tale does not end here, but for now this is the short version of my tale… An unfinished tale, but my words will once again be heard. Someone will listen and hear, and that one person will spread the knowledge. Knowledge is power, and through it one can grow. Even a troubled being such as I know knowledge is the key to fulfillment, success, and growth… May you grow and prosper through the seeds of knowledge…

 ---

Some lore on Uriel:

http://www.bellaonline.net/articles/art12643.asp

 

http://amadan.org/Innomine/Uriel.htm

 

The Golden Legend by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow: 

http://www.online-literature.com/henry_longfellow/golden-legend/

Apple Meditation Part II

A year later…

Day 1: 3.31.12

The apple began to appear as if it was melting. It would stretch, as if getting taller, then shrink into its self. At times it would appear as if floating or moving closer to me. As the meditation went on, half way through, it began to fade. I’d have to blink for it to appear again, but it would continue to fade. The room began to change a little, but not to a scene I can record. I felt a presence of two great beings beside me, but I saw nothing. I felt a light to the distance of me on my left, but I saw nothing. Only thing I saw was the apple melting, changing shape, and appearing to disappear.

On the walk I saw Louis (Evil twin) but not the nice twin. I realize now that they are one. He tried everything to scare me, but nothing worked. My guides were there for a time, but Louis and his fellow friends took them out. First guide that was pushed away was Ezekiel (I’ll call him that). It was as if many beings attacked him. On the last scene before he was forced to retreat it was as if bats attacked him. He was to the right of me. As soon as he was gone to the left of me appeared a woman, my other guide.

Louis didn’t know what to do with her at first, so he concentrated on getting arise out of me, or frightening me, triggering some sort of emotion. He’d hit me, kick me, and try to trip me and all that. I felt these slightly on my real person, but nothing severe. He began running into me, and I’d feel the pressure and slight pain on my chest. This made me uneasy for a while, so he kept doing that until I ignored it. As I turned around I was facing him. He was walking backwards so that I’ll see his face. He taunted me some, but his words didn’t scare me. He looked somewhat like me, because he is part of me.

Also, I’ll note here, that the wind began to blow as I began my walk and became stronger as the walk continued and started coming towards an end.

In the last few minutes things really started to happen. Louis brought in some friends to try to get a rise out of me. There was a great giant being with a bald head and club in his hand. He’d stand behind me, I started becoming uneasy at his size, and he then became larger. I felt not to panic or fear him, because that’d give him power. So I tried not to acknowledge him enough for it to frighten me. This worked for a time, he shrunk to a point. Then, as I was turning to a street that led me to my home, more beings, spirits of some sort, came. I felt them but didn’t see them; they were bothering the female guide with me. Soon she got over powered. My protective defenses are now gone. Then I saw Uriel.

Uriel was across the street from me. As I came closer and acknowledged his presence, he then was beside me. I began to feel uneasy. It was harder now to fight the panic and fear that was rising in me. Uriel (I’ll call him that) stood to the right of me. Louis (Evil twin) stood to the left of me. Louis was quiet now, calm in a satisfied way. Uriel spoke to me, 'We finally meet again,' he said something along those lines. 

I nodded or responded, I don’t know exactly. I looked at him. His image was similar to how I pictured, but his face wasn’t as flawless as I once thought. The years were on it, you can tell he wasn’t originally good, if he is good at all. It is hard to really tell. 

When he noticed my reaction he said something like, 'Just wait until you write out my story. You’ll then know what nature can really do, and what frightened really means.' I then got the feeling that I’d experience everything that he did, even if I would just be writing. I feel his story needs to be written, I’ll share it here on the blog once I get the words formed.

I then saw my home. Once my house was in view they retreated. I walked toward my home, and once I was in my yard my guides were by my side again. My guides were frantic, speaking all at once, wondering if I was ok. I felt it strange, since they never reacted that way before.

I then drank a cup of warm tea and my nerves were settled again.

Day 2: 4.1.12

The apple reacted similar to how it did yesterday. It began to appear as if it was melting. It would stretch, as if getting taller, then shrink into its self. At times it would appear as if floating or moving closer to me. This time, though, a face began to appear. At first it was not facing me, but as the meditation went on it appeared as if it were floating. At some point it slowly turned to face me. Half way through, it began to fade, like yesterday. I’d have to blink for it to appear again, but it would continue to fade. The room began to change a little, but the scene wasn’t clear. My carpet appeared as if grass may be appearing, and my walls began to disappear, but the scene remained fuzzy. I felt a presence of two great beings beside me, but I saw nothing. I felt a light to the distance of me on my left, it appeared as if something – maybe a scene – was forming but it was not clear. Only thing I saw was the apple that appeared to float at times. It was looking at me, but it felt wary of me. I don’t think I earned the apples trust yet.

Today I was at my dad’s house, so I didn’t walk the canal after the mediation. I saw Uriel almost as soon as I left the house. He showed me images that seemed to be a story, or maybe a recreation of something in the past, I am not sure yet.

As I was walking a woman began to appear. First I felt her behind me, and then she was in front of me walking. My surroundings began to change in my mind. It was the early 18^th century, the clothes and style of the people were different. I was in a different city, somewhere in England I will guess, but the town was small; nothing grand like London.

The lady had long, dark brown wavy hair. She was average height for our times; she looked in distress as she was hurrying along. She stopped at an older woman’s door step; the lady was sitting on her front porch. She had dark grey hair, which must have been black when she was young, and a crooked nose. The old lady looked at her with disgust when she stooped before her.

The woman began to plead to the old lady. 'Why are they doing this?' are the desperate words that seemed to have formed on her lips. The town was accusing her of witchcraft.

'You know why, wench,' was the type of words that seemed to have formed on the old woman’s lips. Her voice was cruel, the woman began to cry. I am not sure what else the old lady said to her, but her tears brought no pity to the bitter old woman. The old woman slapped her and told the crying woman to leave her door step.

Day 3: 4.2.12

I saw face of the apple today, and it began to fade again, just as it did during last part of  yesterday's meditation. It's eyes began to glow as I looked into them. As I looked into them the room began to change, everything began to fade away. Soon ripples of white grey was around me that looked like the northern lights, minus the colors or fog. The apple’s eyes glowed as it faded in and out. This fog like substance surrounded me.

On my walk, in the beginning, it felt as if I was walking through fire though I didn’t get burned. The woman I saw in last vision got burnt for killing her sister. Uriel wanted something from her, even after death, but she still wouldn’t give in. So she walked through the fire, seeing visions of her past, particularly the nice twin with brown hair. She came to a tunnel. She began to walk through it, it was dark and it sounded as if a train was above it. The tunnel was long. It ended, she came into a stone room with a man who was dirty. There was a camp fire in the middle of the room and he was cooking what looked like beans. He offered her some she said no. she sat down on the floor in front of the fire. The man asked what brought her hear. She said fire. He asked if she gave him what he wanted (Uriel) she said no. he said that Uriel will get it one way or another.

Soon another tunnel appeared. The man looked at it, uneasiness was in his eyes. He was wary of this tunnel. He told the woman, “only way out is through.” She asked if he’d go through the tunnel, he responded he hasn’t in years and probably never will.

It was a small tunnel, one would have to crawl to get through, but the woman crouched down and crawled through the tunnel. The end was another stone room with three tunnels. There was a man to the left of one of the tunnels, the tunnel that was farthest to the left. He looked as if he was on edge, fear was in his eyes. The woman came up to him. She looked at him curiously. It appears that they were having a silent conversation. The man averted his eyes to the left of him, to the entrance of the tunnel, then back to the woman. He did this thrice times. The woman was confused at first; she didn’t understand why he was doing that. But then she heard chains and heavy footsteps pacing back and forth. The man’s face became of panic, and his eyes seemed to have said help me.

The woman is curious about what may be on the other side of this tunnel. She crouches down and enters the tunnel. It wasn’t a long tunnel. Each movement forward brought her closer to the noise; the sound of the chains dragging became louder as did the heavy pacing footsteps. She heard something growling, as if it were mumbling to itself. It wasn’t a growl of warning.

The tunnel ends. In the large stone room is a beast creature. It was massive, larger than an elephant. It had tusks like one, though, and large pointy front teeth. Its eyes were not clear, it only showed black. The creature was blackish grey. It saw the woman and stopped in its tracks. It began to growl. Drool was forming on its lips and began to drip down its furry chin. There was another tunnel in the room, it was straight a head. The large beast, though, could easily get the woman if the woman tried getting to the tunnel.

The woman panicked for a few moments. She wasn’t sure what to do. A voice in her head told her, ‘go forward. It can’t hurt you unless you let it. It is not real unless you make it so.’ These words brought her strength. She knew she could get past this beast if she doesn’t show fear. So she steps forward.

She moves slowly at first. The beast stays where it’s at while still growling. When she gets a little over half way across the room, only a few feet away from the tunnel, the beast begins to growl louder. The woman began to run just in time, she sensed he was about to attack her. She jumped to the left, trying to avoid the beasts claw that she knew would was about to hit her. But by doing this she jumps away from the entrance, trapping herself momentarily. The beasts left claw strikes her back between the shoulder blades. A stinging feeling began to be felt on my own back as I was walking, but I had a feeling to remain calm. 

The woman made it to the tunnel just before the beast was able to strike her again.

This tunnel was a bit wider, but she still had to crouch down to enter. She still had to crawl but it wasn’t a tight squeeze. This tunnel was long and winding. It was also pitch black and humid warm.

The woman thought it would never end as she crawled and crawled further along, she was getting frustrated. Her back was still in pain and she was tired.   

Finally a light began to appear. It was small at first then began to brighten. She came, yet again, to another stone room. The light wasn’t bright, it only felt so because she has been in the dark for some time. In this room she meets Uriel.

Her heart falls to her stomach. A feeling of giving up begins to form inside her, but she pushes it away. I was feeling tired myself at this time.

Uriel knew the woman was tired. He laughed a malicious laugh and said it gets worse. He asks her again if she’s willing to give in now. Those words bring her strength and she says no. He nods, expecting that answer.

The room gets warmer and the smell of smoke appears. The room gets dimmer. A smoky fog is entering through the tunnel she came through. Uriel is laughing now; he senses the woman’s fatigue and frustration.

A tunnel to the left of the woman and Uriel begins to appear but by this time the vision fades. I have returned home now and am very tired. I didn’t want to continue with the vision any longer. I was still tired even after my tea, but was a bit more relaxed.

Day 4: 4.3.12

The apple appeared fading again, but it did not float. It appeared as if rotting, in a glowing frequency, but I didn’t see its face. The room changed again, appearing as if no walls, static appearance, and the ever present of someone else in the room was there. I perceive the two beings present as a guide.

The weather as I walked was a breeze, but nothing harsh. I again, as I approached the walk way on the canal I live near, I saw the Fire, but I did not fear it. I saw the tunnel again, and the feeling of dread hit me. I knew it would be a long walk through, if I have to go through all that I did the previous day.

The walk through the tunnel was similar, yet the ogre was still lying upon the floor. Thankfully I didn’t have to fight it. 

I approached the familiar stone room, but the old man was no longer there. Only thing there was his old pot that contained beans once upon a time. The door that’s located in the room is no longer open but closed tight. I attempted to open it, but it would not budge. The door was sealed tightly off. I attempted once again, but still no way out. I collapsed on the floor in frustration and began to cry in anguish. The room then became cold, colder than it already was. I looked up from my collapsed position upon the floor and saw before me Uriel.

He laughed a malicious laugh and asked again the same question: Are you willing to follow? And again I responded ‘no’. He smiled, a smile as malicious as his laugh, you will remain in this room until you choose to follow, unless you can find a way out through that door. He then disappeared. I was left alone, in the cold stone room, with a sealed off door. I asked my guides, what do I do? And the response was: Follow your heart, your will is your guide. Those words gave me strength, and I was able to get up from the floor and walk to the sealed off door. 

Once I was before the door I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths slowly in and out, in and out. I kept my eyes closed for sometime until I felt a vibration in my core, in an area under my belly button is where the vibration began. I let it radiate throughout my body. I then held my arms forward, in attempt to rattle the door knob to get this door open. Again, the door would not budge. I did this repeatedly, each time with more force. The door finally budged when I felt an anger filled annoyance rise in me.

Once the door opened, the narrow tunnel was before me once again. I am now tired from the struggle of this sealed off door, but my will is now active so I know I can keep moving forward, for there is an end somewhere. The narrow tunnel, which I have to crawl to get through, seems longer than before, and the bottom of the tunnel is becoming wet, as if a leak is somewhere. I feel drops of water upon my head and realized the leak is coming from above me. It appears that this tunnel is under some sort of body of water.

Finally, after what seemed a long time, an exact time unclear, the end came. The end was dark, but I made out a shadowy door that appeared as if it were a ship door with a wheel like handle that I had to turn to open. It was a struggle to turn, it was very heavy, I had to use a lot of my strength. As the handle slowly turned, the seal of the door became loose and water began to leak through. I began to panic as water filled the bottom of the tunnel, rising higher and higher with each turn. I was sure I’d be hit with a wave of water, just like I use to imagine in my childhood, the wave would cover me, and I would drown. As this thought dawned on me the door came open. I braised myself for the impact, but none came. Instead of a large wave, a feeling of ocean breeze swept into the tunnel. 

I walked out of the wet tunnel, my jeans lightly damp from the water, and before me was a pebbled shore. The sky was a dark purple, as if twilight has set in. There was a cool and refreshing breeze, the smell of the ocean before me in the air. I collapsed on the ground in an exhausted relief that I made it out of the tunnel. I closed my eyes to relax and think. I am not on a pebbled island, with no other land insight.

The air changed to a cold stillness. I sensed a presence of another being; I knew the cold stillness sensation I am feeling now to be the presence of Uriel. I opened my eyes, and a short distance to my left, near the edge of the water, was Uriel. He had that malicious smile still upon his face, and he again spoke in the same cold, hissing tone, as usual, ‘Will you follow?’ Again I responded a clear ‘no’, which as always gave me strength.

He laughed his usual laugh and began to send taunts at me in a repeated fashion. The rapid pace of his words started to blend together, making it hard for me to make out any clear phrase. Even though I could not make out words, the feeling from the tone of his voice began to be agonizing. I held my hands to my ears and said ‘stop it, stop it!’ but of course he did not.

Finally silence came, and dark set in fully. As it did so did a numbing coldness. I curled up into a ball, bringing my knees up to my chest, attempting to trap in some warmth. 

This was the last of my vision for this day, the walk ended around this time. I was still exhausted after drinking tea, but I felt calm, but not a reassuring calm.

Day 5: 4.4.12

The apple appeared the same as yesterday, the room the same vision as yesterday as well. It seems as if the apple does not trust me, or that I am not concentrating enough. I have learned that apples, such as animals, have their own personality and each one is different. I think, maybe this apple isn’t as trusting as the last, or maybe my energy is different this time than the last time around, since I know how this apple meditation feels: it takes a lot out of you, mentally and spiritually. Maybe this is why, during the meditation of the apple, it seems the apple isn’t open to me. 

On my walk I saw the vision of the sea shore pebbled beach, dark sky, and cold loneliness in the air. I began to cry again, in a collapsed position up on the beach, I was getting tired of this and wanting to give up. I decided to lie their, exhausted, with my eyes closed. No thought was passing my mind, I was just being in the moment and letting whatever is to happen next to happen. I began to feel warm all over and a peace began to enter me. I opened my eyes as I felt the change in the air, and as I did I saw the sky turn from dark, to deep violet, to red violet, and so on; the sky was becoming lighter, as if the sun was rising. The scene changed once the sky was an orange red. As the sky was changing, the atmosphere was becoming warmer and warmer. A bridge appeared before me, but the bridge was not clear. It was a fuzzy vision of a bridge upon the water, but I made out a wooden bridge leading into the sun. The vision changed as I stepped foot upon the bridge. 

The next visions came in a fast pace. I could not make out much of what was going on, but it switched rapidly. First I saw a flash of fire, then water, then Uriel and his rapid speech of taunting words.

The visions ended on a sunny path. I was with one of my guides who was speaking softly to me. The words I can not remember now, but they were wise and reassuring, and as always gave me strength and hope to move forward and keep carrying on. This is where my walk ends. I am now home and drinking my relaxing cup of herbal tea. 

Day 6: 4.5.12

No meditation

Day 7: 4.6.12

I saw the face of the apple today, but only for a brief few moments. Again, the face seemed stern, but it was willing to speak to me today, or at least open to my questions. I felt it was going to show me something on my walk. The colors in the room changed from the grey static color to a lighter blue, mixed in within highlights of lavender. 

As I began my walk I felt a light breeze. As I walked further along, turning the corner and onto a sidewalk that leads to the walk path on the canal, the wind picked up. I began to hear a rushing noise in my ear, as if there is a mass flood of water behind me. I turned my head to the side and saw two large waves of water of an extreme height, as if touching the sky. 

I became frightened temporarily, for this was one of my fearful images as a child: an image of two gigantic waves that would collapse on top of me, sweeping my feet off the ground and drowning me as I become lifted. But of course that was only an image. I knew what I was seeing wasn’t real, and I am no longer a seven year old girl. As soon as that dawning came to me, that the waves weren’t real, the waves were ignored, even though I knew the roaring of the waves and wind was behind me still.

As I came up to the walk path upon the canal I saw fire was on both sides of the walk way again. A dread feeling came over me, but only temporarily. The wind and roar of the waves is heard, and this time the roar seems louder, as if the waves are closer and will soon collapse upon me. I braised myself for the imaginary impact, trying to keep my fear at bay at the same time. I stopped in my tracks even. I heard the slap of the waves hitting concrete, and a slight pressure over me. This feeling lasted only a few moments, I had my eyes closed the entire time. When I opened them again all was still, water and fire both gone, wind ceased to a soft pleasant breeze. 

After the passing of the water and the slowing of the wind came an image of a grassy path and shady trees beside me. The breeze was still in the air, but soft and warm now, and the sent of grass is in the air. I like this image I am now seeing; it calms me and relaxes me some. 

After walking for sometime I come to an end of the path, to a valley on the left of the walking path, where few trees reside. Lying upon the grassy floor was a lioness. She looked lazily at me, but made no move toward me. After seeing the lioness the image fades away. That is the end of my vision on my walk. I then return home for my tea. 

Day 8: 4.7.12

Today I saw the familiar vision as I looked into the apple: the grayish blue with lavender highlights, the walls appearing as if invisible, and the feeling of two beings beside me. The apple appeared as if floating again, and I saw the face again. The face was a bit distorted, but clearer than yesterday. It spoke to me, but the words were muffled. A warm feeling came over me, as if I was receiving a message. My heart began to beat briefly, but soon I relaxed and it slowed. 

The weather was calm on my walk today. As I approached the walkway on the canal I saw the grassy path once again, this time with no water or fire. As I was walking the grassy, tree lined path, I heard a growl. I knew the growl to belong to the lioness. A sudden sense of danger was forming in my chest, but a feeling to keep moving forward was felt. As I came to the end of this grassy tree lined path, the spot I was yesterday, beside the valley where the lioness lied, I saw the lioness once again. This time the lioness was not in a relaxing state, she was in a state of defense. As she saw me appear she let out a loud growl and ran toward me. 

I was struck with fear and remained in place. I braised myself as I saw her jump at me. Her paws landed on my chest, scratching my chest. I felt the sting of her claws on my real person. After the claws were felt I heard a woman’s voice in my mind, a strong and clear voice. I knew the voice to belong to the lioness, she asked what I wanted. I was full of curiosity then, and I asked her what her name was. The name I received was: Saphia. She said other words that I can not recall, but I had a feeling she is an old soul. I know her as to be my spirit animal.

Her image and her words were the last I saw before returning home for my tea. 

(the cubs weren't seen in my meditation)

Day 9: 4.8.12

No meditation

Day 10: 4.9.12

On my walk I saw again the grassy jungle path upon the walkway, but only for some moments, and I no longer saw Saphia. The grassy jungle path fades into an older image, the 1800s image I saw the second day of my meditation. I saw flashes of the nice and evil twins, as well as flashes of my great aunt Jezebel, the red-haired woman who got burnt due to an accusation of witchcraft in Italy. I saw again flashes of me pleading to the older woman, relating to the death of my sister. I then saw flashes of me being carried away from the city who things I was the one who killed my sister.

On my walk toward home I again saw flashes of the giants, but my guides were once again beside me, and this time they stayed. I ignored the evil twin’s images of horror he attempted to send my way. Uriel is seen again but he is farther away. I go inside my home as he attempts to approach, not being able to reach past my front yard. Once inside I feel ‘others’ outside my home, but I know I am safe if I do not pay attention to them. I feel calmer after I drink my tea. 

Day 11: 4.10.12

No meditation

Day 12: 4.11.12

The apple appears to be floating again, this time I see the face clearly. The face looks angry, but it’s willing to listen to me. I do not remember if I asked it anything, I do not think I did.

The walk was calmer today. I didn’t see a vision of water, fire, nor tunnel nor grassy path with lioness. Halfway through my walk the image of a ballerina and older man is seen, but only flashes, nothing clear. I come to the end of my walk and the last scene I see is peering into a window, on a snowy night, watching the ballerina dance as the man played music. The piano song was sad yet happy; it must have been an eerie love song. The ballerina danced with elegance.

Day 13: 4.12.12 

No meditation

Day 14: 4.13.12

No meditation.

Day 15: 4.14.12

The apple was floating again, fading in and out as in the beginning of my meditation. This time it was more active, sending me visions of the past days, particularly of the 1800s visions, Uriel, and the ballerina.

On my walk I again saw flashes of Uriel, but he was calmer today and did not taunt me. He walked beside me even, talking calmly. What he said I do not recall, but I knew he was not a danger to me today. This was the time I began to realize, slowly, that maybe he is not evil after all.

Towards the end of the walk I saw flashes of the older man, middle aged, with long blonde hair tied in a pony tail at the nap of his neck, and light blue eyes. Last night I only saw the back of his head, as he was playing the piano for the ballerina, but today I saw his full profile. It is again a snowy seen. I again was peering into a wide window that appears to be a dance parlor. The piano man and ballerina were there once again, she dancing to the same eerie love song. 

The feeling that I got was that this man loved this girl, but she was far too young for him. She looked no older than sixteen, and he is well into his forties. I could tell that this man had some sort of enchantment upon the girl; he knew he was taking advantage of her innocence. A strange feeling of ‘she will be mine’ came over me when I looked at the man one last time. It appears that this man loves this girl, and this man could trick this girl into loving him too. He has her trapped in a sense, with his trance like love song.

The walk ended here. My last image I saw was him gazing at the window. He made eye contact with me. He smiled a knowing smile with a mischievous glean in his eye.

The meditation ended here.

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1/4/2014

A lot has happened since that meditation, and a lot more is to come. I will speak more in depth in another post on what has happened since that meditation, but at the moment I will leave the post as it is. I will not do the apple meditation again, for I feel I no longer need to, but I still suggest it to whoever decides to do it. Just remember to be diligent about it if you do decided to do the meditation, and take note of what you see, and also to accept what you see as you see it rather than distorting the images. You never know what the end result will be, so be patient with it. All will come together in due time.